My Road to Honesty

Yes, sometimes I lie. Sometimes I hide my feelings ans thoughts. Sometimes I have to make a living out of lying and pretending I’m someone else. We’re all humans after all, we’ve been raised on lies and we’ve been lying ever since we started communicating.

Over the last few years, I decided to treasure honesty more than any other value I know. I started to look at honesty as part of discovering and meditating the self. I still lie to people and still hide my inner self and the outer self to everyone. I wear make up from time to time, I wear scarves and leaves to hide my scars, I even wear shades to hide my tears.

I decided to start being honest with myself and the rest follows (will eventually follow).Every time I have a serious conversation with myself, I say the whole truth, I talk about my real fears and my real agonies. I talk directly from the heart and from the drunken mind. Every time I speak to my friends, I think of the truth, the honesty I’m going to talk with and use as a serious weapon. Sometimes I cannot use these weapons, but I can try.

With other people, being honest is one of the most difficult challenges. With the self, it’s one of the scariest challenges. Once you open up to yourself, you’ll get used to it. Sometimes I have use all of my inner powers, and dig deep into my thoughts to find the key to the most honest story to tell my self.

When I’m with people, I don’t have to dig deep. I just need to focus on the truth that hurts and the one that doesn’t. I have to evaluate the thoughts, and mostly be creative. But I try. And I can try more.

Take one of the last topics I wrote about on this blog, he one about Ramadan. It took me a while thinking about publishing or not publishing it. It came with an aggressive and disrespectful tone that I’m not proud of. But it was all about my honest opinion and I need to share my honest opinion. It was the truth behind my thoughts. And I shouldn’t be ashamed of them. If someone can’t handle this kind of truth then there’s nothing I can do except try to become the respectful person I try to be.

How to be respectful and honest at the same time? that is the challenge. How to be honest and protect others, and mostly protect the self?

With honesty comes great responsibility. With honest comes consequences I cannot deal with. And thus I try to be honest, at least with myself, and the rest will indeed follow, but a bit by bit, not all at once, and not always complete.

9 thoughts on “My Road to Honesty

  1. Arwa, my sister – you are the best elite writer with the highest excellency and you bring us every time a new journey…Always stay shinning like a star:)

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  2. Arwa! Another great post. Yes it is a challenge to be honest without being cruel. Many times I do want to say certain things to people but sometimes I feel it is best to hold my tongue. I realize that maybe I don’t have the full picture. I do tend to be outspoken but as I’ve gotten older I realize that we are all human and our systems political and religious are made up of human beings. Sometimes I have to ask myself is this all wrong or can it be fixed? Some questions or situations are clear cut whereas others are not. I ask God to give me wisdom to say and do right things. BTW, I wanted to get your opinion on this blog post from a young Muslim woman. Thank you.

    http://awareandfair.com/2015/07/27/alaa-murabit-on-what-islam-really-says-about-women/

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    1. Hii

      Thank you for the link.
      Like most religions, Islam has developed into sabotaging the rule of women in society.
      I haven’t truly read the Quran, but I know for a fact that there are many texts in which they praise women.
      Hell, the Islamic world marked many women as leaders. I was named after one of the first queens in Islam (though I’m not Muslim, nor family is).
      I once read that when it comes to inheritance, Islam the most generous religion for women and family inheritance.
      The main problems with Islam are: 1- unlike other religions, the religious people are more than the secular or not tooo religious people. 2- instead of going with time and entering the modern world, they go backwards with every single religious traditions. 3- fanatics influence many.4- religion interferes with politics and countries are ruled by religions.
      The only non-islamic country that is based on religion is Israel. And that is a different story.

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      1. Thank you Arwa for your response. I always enjoy your take on various subjects. You are right in observing that religions that don’t move and change with the times hold their people back and place them in bondage. Again many Thanks. Blessings to you!

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  3. When something has been held in a long time we tend to “throw up” making a mess on anyone in close proximity. Honesty can be like this. But when practiced often we are able to give it in smaller doses and flavoured to make it more palatable. We learn when to speak and when to be silent.

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