It was the final day of the semester, few years ago, when I was still a student at the Theatre Department. I was one of those who never had any previous experience they can relate to when dealing with Theatre performance and arts.
I chose to study Theatre because I was interested in the subject as a whole, and I thought I might find it better and more amusing than other majors offered by the University. And I must confess getting in the department was easy – at least for me.
At that final day of the semester -or the final first year I was asked by one of my teachers/professors to reflect my experience at the department, and all I could come up with was “In a place where no one can accept me for who I am, I can succeed.” All of the other classmates stared at me, as if I was speaking something that truly affected them, or shocked them. I looked at them all with an expression on my face that says “what? it’s not a secret that my performance yesterday was great.” And then add “And please! we all know that no one here accepts me for who I am. You all think I’m crazy from planet Mars.”
The following year was even more difficult for me; being accepted for who I am and earn other people’s (students’) approval was even a tougher task and I had no idea how to fit in.
I accepted the fact that no one could truly accept me, and no I didn’t do it on purpose, to not be accepted. To be myself was and is still a mission I had to deal with its consequences. Some people would rather persuade me that I’m doing it on purpose, to not be accepted for who I am, but I know that I tried. I spent all my life trying – to fit into the ideals of society. I tried to do everything they expect me to do, I simply failed. And the same happened in the Theatre department I tried and kept failing. But one thing I never failed at (or at least I imagine myself not to fail at) is being accepted with myself – to be alienated from society is one thing, but to be alienated from oneself is another.
Maybe it’s time to drop the true self and merge into society. It’s time to lose my own identity and become a copy of all the rest and live like all of them… then I will succeed, or be happy, is it either or both?