I regret

Think only of the past as its memory gives you pleasure, she said. But I cannot always maintain this notion.

My thoughts drift back to those dreadful memories of my ignorance. And I regret. Indeed I regret. Not being able to be rational and firm. To make a decision – to claim my happiness as I deserve it.

I regret, all of what I have done.

A while ago, I used to sing to myself “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien” and believe that I don’t have anything to regret. Even those regrets of mine – things I should have done, or things I shouldn’t have done. I was solemn in my beliefs that I do not owe my regrets anything, and in my turn I do not have to regret anything. All has happened for a reason. Oh, how happy I was.

But there are regrets – many regrets I try to forget, everyday. But again, everyday brings those memories back – in the dreary sunshine, all flashbacks… all of them come back – and once again I shed some aging tears and I scream in pain. I regret. And I have to live with those regrets.

Flashbacks, stuck in my conscience, deep down and yet superficial – sometimes I can even see them in front of my eyes, I can even touch them and feel them. They make me whimper in pain.

Only wish that those flashbacks can become real – to travel in time and save my soul from regrets.

Will I ever learn to live with those regrets?

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