I am a woman

There are different occasions we urge ourselves to think about. On some occasions, we invest effort more than we usually need. I, for one, am constantly looking for a method to show off, and find attention in these sort of occasions.

I am a woman.  I cannot tell if I can be defined, or if I can be compared to others. But I find pleasure in comparing myself with my younger innocent self. I came to realize that nothing has changed. Years have gone by and I’m still the same girl (not woman) who makes mistakes more than she accomplishes anything.

I realize that soon I will never be able to learn from my mistakes. The horrid scars they have left will accompany me for eternity. I stained myself with blood, that became part of my veins. I repented, a hundred time. Still, haunted by the past and my the present, I will soon realize this life might not be for me, and yet, do I dare start again?

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I am a woman. I will rise from the dead. Like I have risen two hundred times. Yet, each time I rise, I find no place to bury my past. My future is an entire mystery that I can no longer foretell (not like I ever could). All that ado about “living your life to the fullest” has scarred me, to find that I will never be able to be that person, who will be like all the rest.

I am a woman. Who has been fighting for several years. Fighting my inner and outer demons, and yet lost the battled, more than I can count or remember. 

I am a woman, who lived for centuries, and yet all of them still mistake me for a child. An innocent child of one’s own fantasies.

I am a woman. In this life, in my previous life, and my future life (that I still cannot foretell).

4 thoughts on “I am a woman

  1. Arwa, you are a woman, and yes in our lives we have our ups and downs, but you do have a place to lay your head, no matter what religion one claims, you have God! You are blessed with a creative spirit and so very talented! Do not give up on yourself, Connect with your inner spiritual beauty, and slay the demons of your past. You have been saved from that, quit going back to old things, you are on the edge of a sweet newness which is coming your way. You are not alone, Try doing one thing at a time instead of multiple things, With each step, perfect your way, but it comes by humbling of your own spirit! You are a treasure sister, and will stay one if you do not let yourself down. Stand tall and move forward and not backwards, Embrace Gods love and let it have a home within you. There is only one living God, and he loves you much. You will be okay and these moments will pass! But fix yourself inwardly and not outwardly….your spirit will renew and you will become strong as you blossom! God bless you always! See you on Straketch soon!

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    1. My dear friend. Thank you for your kind words. I know how life goes now, I figured it out myself. What I wrote was a random set of thoughts. Do not worry about it.
      As for the concept of God, I don’t need to believe in him, I know I need to focus on believing in myself first, that’s more important (at least for me).
      I hope to see you soon on Straketch. And thank you again.

      Like

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